Journal 7

I was just reading over the notes sent to me from last class, and something jumped out at me from the discussion on the book of Ephesians: there’s freedom in sharing joy with others rather than being envious. This comes in the wake of a crushing two-game defeat in the board game Settlers of Catan. I have a really competitive nature; I hate losing. So the question hits hard: am I joying in the happiness of others? I should be able to, especially in this instance since this is just a board game. However, the sinful passions of my heart dictate that somehow I am less of a man if I don’t win. I found myself quick to pout at my imminent second defeat; my attitude stunk. Therefore, I was disabled form sharing the joy my wife felt over her victories.

While this may seem like a petty thing that I ought to just get over, the realities of this inordinate desire spill over into other areas of my life. Why am I not more thrilled to see the blessing that God has showered on others and rejoice with them? Instead, the competitive and covetous desires of my heart are revealed in my attitude. I know this is wrong, and I usually try to deal with it by putting the lid on the proverbial pot. Of course, this is not ‘dealing with it’, and the issue will come up again next time…or, perhaps, not now that God has my attention.

There truly must be freedom in sharing in the joy of others. On the flip side, envy, covetousness, and the like are enslaving; they are blinding; these sins manifest insanity. I do not want to be ruled by these desires. I want to live freely in the joy of community.

Although God did give man the mandate for mastery over creation, perhaps he also created man male and female- in community- so that our desires for mastery would be kept in check. Of course, the summary of the Law given later dictates that the way we are to live in community is to be governed by a love for others. Envy, greed, selfishness- these all fly in the face of establishing loving relationships. In truth they are forms of hatred, and are exhibited by a shaking of the fist in the face of God from whom all blessings flow. When I did not win tonight, in essence I was offended at my Father for His providence.

Satan laid a trap for me, and I fell into it, heart, line and sinker. But praise be to God He had another plan. He used this moment to check my selfish motivations. He has displayed His sovereign faithfulness in using this “petty” happenstance to mold me and shape me more into the image of His Son. I pray that, lesson learned, I will be on guard next time, and will take the time to rejoice in the victory of others.

I guess I ought to be going now- I need to ask my wife for forgiveness.