SPEAK
I find living with the realization that I am an ambassador of Christ is very difficult for me to do. Having that realization govern my conversations is even more difficult. This section of the book is therefore extremely challenging, since the basis of my conversations ought to be the gospel of Jesus Christ.
Both my natural (perceived and desired) independence from God and my selfish haughtiness and pride negatively influence my willingness to be used by God as His instrument of change. I live my life as though I don’t need God; I engage in conversations in dependence on my own wisdom, seeking for answers to things I don’t know on my own instead of going to God.
As Tripp points out, we need to first begin with our own hearts before exhorting others. I find that since there is very little self-examination in my own life, this often renders me ineffective, or at least, not as effective as I perhaps could be. Without looking within first, I also inhibit the work of the Spirit in my our heart, as each situation I am faced with, even if it is someone else’s situation, is an appointment for God to work in me.
I definitely do not keep God’s goals for others in view as I engage in conversation; nor are God’s goals for myself. My goals are foremost in my mind. These goals are largely based on how others view me- I want to have the right answers, say things the right way, and be used by God so I receive credit. What a heart of iniquity! There is so much in my own heart that needs change- and I don’t really know how that much change is possible. Through Christ, yes, but how in actuality? I pray that God will grant me that true, life-turning repentance that the prophet Joel speaks of, and that He will indeed change me and shape me into an ambassador worthy of the calling into which I am called.
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