Conversations Initiated By Other People

As far as conversations go, I struggle in the area of initiating conversation more than any other. I have grown a lot in acquiring conversation skills over the past few years, and am open to answering questions people ask me with more than pat, courtesy answers. However, I am simply horrible at initiating conversation.

We addressed this issue earlier on in the year in our group, when we were discussing how to ask good questions, and how to develop a greater curiosity for people. These two elements, I believe, are inextricably linked, and yet they seem to me also to be the tip of the iceberg.

Not knowing what questions to ask somebody does stem from a lack of curiosity about them. I suppose there are elements of modeling and learning, or lack thereof while growing up, that could have influenced me more as to how to engage someone in conversation and ask good questions. Also, having more of a shy, or more truthfully, fearful, nature is certain to have influenced my lack of conversation skills. However, there seems to be a more influential element that could be called a lack of curiosity about people that keeps me from initiating conversation. Behind this, or under this if I can use the metaphor of uncovering, lies a deep-rooted pride, arrogance really, that sees my own self as all important, and others as insignificant to me, unless they can serve me in some way. What a horrific self-revelation! Thus, I do not initiate conversation because of a lack of curiosity necessarily, but more often out of a lack of love for the other person in comparison to a love of myself.

Accompanying this are fear of rejection, fear of failure, as well as thoughts of self-pity that the world would label as low self-esteem. These, of course, are all self-focused. As such, they crowd out thoughts of God and the reality that I am His ambassador, and that I ought to be taking a servant’s role in this world, living for the welfare of others. How much heart change is needed! As I write this I write with the understanding that I have for the first time put these thoughts to paper. I pray that God will continue to bring these things to light by His Word and Spirit, and the He would effect radical change in my heart and life.