Situation: Brian met Sandy at a party while there with another woman. Brian and Sandy got married and went on a honeymoon together. After the honeymoon, they attended social gatherings, sometimes together, once Brian by himself; there are other women at these gatherings. One instance was shortly after their honeymoon (22).
Bad Fruit: Brian dances closely with and flirts with other women (22). While out for dinner with his friends, he charms his friend’s wife (24). Brian lashes out at his wife in anger and blame-shifts when she confronts his behavior (24), then tries to win her back by taking her on a second honeymoon (24). At his Christmas Eve work party, which had been kept a secret from his wife, he is sits with his arm around another woman, and flirts with others.
Bad Root: Brian is reacting out of a fear of rejection and a desire for acceptance by these women (24); this fear stems from traumatic pain from the past with regard to his estranged mother (29). There is possibly a pride issue here as well, as Brian seems to be using his charm and success to win favor with these women (22). He is also self-centered in ignoring his wife in these situations, and dismissing her feelings (24). Brian’s angry reaction to his wife may also stem from fears of rejection, facing consequences, and conflict.
Results: Sandy is embarrassed and deeply hurt by Brian’s behavior. When Sandy confronts Brian concerning his flirtatious behavior, Brian responds in anger which causes a rift in their relationship. When Brian is caught at the Christmas party, Sandy leaves him there and flees to her mother’s house. Sandy contemplates ending the marriage.
Cross: Colossians 1:19-23 speak significantly to Brian’s heart in this situation. God the Father is pleased that the fullness of the elect should dwell in Him (including Brian!), and is in the process of reconciling all things to Himself (including Brian!). This is true even though His people, too, were once estranged from Him, even enemies; yet, He reconciles us to Himself, with the goal of presenting us spotless and without blame before Him.
Good Root: If Brian understands and holds before him the truth that God called him out of his sin while he was God’s enemy, he can learn to live with the comfort that God accepts Him always in all situations. The fear of rejection will be replaced with a fear of the LORD, the merciful, covenant-keeping God who understands his pain and will be his Comforter.
Good Fruit: With this mindset, Brian will be faithful to his wife in the situations that cause him inner conflict. This faithfulness will be twofold: first, Brian will pay more attention to his wife than other women; second, Brian and Sandy together will set up appropriate boundaries for Brian in relation to other women, and have Sandy help keep him accountable to God for keeping these boundaries.
Results: Brian will learn to appreciate Sandy’s unconditional love as a mirror of God’s love for him. Maintaining openness and honesty with each other before God will deepen the trust Sandy has for Brian, giving him confidence in her love for him as well; with this deeper understanding of love and trust will perpetuate a cycle of openness, acceptance, and love even in Brian’s failures, which will also be present in his relationship to God.
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