Children and Manipulation

There are numerous examples of Biblical characters influencing others through manipulation. I believe that this is such a common trait to the natural man that we often do not recognize it as such. In many cases, we call this type of behavior by other names, such as lying, deception, coercion, or bribery, or perhaps we simply see it as an abuse of authority. Children (and others) may not be able to recognize when manipulation is occurring, especially when trying to understand the feelings within themselves that are invoked by the manipulator’s behavior, when they are the one manipulated. On the other hand, if the child is the one manipulating, the child quite possibly does not consciously recognize that he/she is being manipulative. For the purpose of this paper, we will look discuss what principles the Bible lays out regarding to manipulation, and we will focus the suggested activities on children who are manipulators, not subjects of manipulation.

Principles
The Bible does not speak directly about manipulation, but there are principles clearly laid out as to how we are to relate to others. The ninth commandment- you shall not bear false witness- instructs us to be truthful and upbuilding in our conduct and conversation. The Apostle Paul expands on this theme in his letter to the Ephesians, instructing them to speak the truth in love, and to be aware of the trickery, cunning, and deceitful plotting of men (Eph. 4:14-15). In James chapter three, we are warned about the harsh realities of an untamable tongue which we must learn to bring under control. In the next chapter, James lays bare the sinful covetousness of the human heart which causes conflict and strife among people. This covetousness seems to lie at the root of manipulation, since the manipulator does what he/she can to get what he/she wants. Below are a few examples from the Bible that demonstrate this behavior.

Examples
When people think of examples of manipulation in the Bible- of deceit, lying, and persuading to get what one wants- one of the first stories that comes to mind is that of a man whose name means “deceiver”: Jacob. Jacob, with the help of his mother Rebekah, deceived Isaac, manipulating him through their scheming in order that Jacob would receive the blessing of the firstborn. There is further evidence of manipulation in Jacob’s life: he used Esau’s hunger to deprive him of his birthright; he was tricked into marrying Laban’s daughter Leah then working seven more years for Rachel; further, Jacob used manipulation to amass sheep and goats from Laban’s fold. These examples show manipulation for the purpose of getting material things they want. Jacobs’ life was wrought with disappointment and fear, often for his life, because of the deceitful and manipulative way he lived.

Another reason people manipulate is to make themselves look good. Ananias and Sapphira sold a possession with the purpose of giving the money to the church so they would look good to others. However, they tried to deceive others in the church through this manipulation, and kept back a portion of the sale price for themselves, thus revealing their true motives. Ananias and Sapphira received the punishment of death from God because of this action. In this we see how seriously God takes lying and deceit.

A third, and perhaps more subtle, example of manipulation is given in Herod’s dealing with the Wise Men. Herod asked the Magi to return to him once they found out where this new-born King of the Jews was, to tell him of His location. He gave this request under the guise of wanting to worship this new King also, but we are told later that he really sought to destroy Jesus. Herod’s manipulation was conducted under the guise of doing good, as his true motivations were kept secret.

Another, and not so subtle, form is to manipulate through fear, aggression and intimidation. Goliath tried this as he mocked the Israelite army and their God. His brazenness can be seen as a form of manipulation. However, David saw through this ungodly behavior, and approached Goliath with the truth of who God is. God gave David the victory for standing up for what is just and right.

Activities
One activity I would try with a child would include a mutual role-play. I would begin by asking the child what the child’s favorite snack is, a favorite place to visit, or some other favorite something that the child would not normally receive or participate in- a favorite treat. I would then ask the child to pretend I was the caregiver, and have the child try to get me to acquiesce to the child’s demand for that particular treat. Thus, I would be able to determine the extent to which the child would act in order to receive the treat if the child wanted it badly. I would also be able to control the extent of the behavior (in case of violence, e.g.) by giving in at any time. Then we would reverse the roles, allowing me to imitate the child’s behavior and allow the child to experience the behavior from the receiving end. Afterward, we would discuss the feelings invoked in both instances. Using the principles found in God’s Word, we would then discuss what was wise about the way the child chose to behave, and what was foolish, work toward a healthy solution to the given scenario. A focus on the demands and wants of the child would be necessary to reveal what desires are driving the child’s behavior.

A second activity would be to first read through the story of Jacob receiving the blessing from his aged father, explaining it as we went along to make sure the child understood the concepts involved. Next, we would reenact the story using four puppets representing Jacob, Isaac, Esau and Rebecca to make sure that the child had a firm grasp of what was going on; a videotape of the reenactment could be reviewed after as well. Afterwards, I would ask the child to set up a police investigation, and interview each of the four characters to determine the motivations behind their actions, and how they felt because of the outcome of the events. I could then discuss with the child who the child most identified with and why. Following this, a discussion on how things should have happened had they played out in a godly way, and the reenactment could be repeated with this alternate ending.

Another activity would be to ask the child to do a modern day retelling of the David and Goliath story, allowing the child to choose the characters from the child’s own life experience. The only rule would be that the child had to include himself/herself in the story at some point. The child could be asked to draw a picture of a specific scene of the story as well. The point of both stories could then be discussed and moral applications made to the child’s life.