Building Entry Gates with Children

The following are possible activities to create entry gates with children to begin to build a trusting and safe relationship:

1. Have the first meeting with parents and child in a fast food restaurant. This would give an opportunity to view the child relating with the parents, and begin the counseling relationship in a fun and unintimidating way.

2. Ask the child to bring his or her favorite toy or personal treasure. This will give the child something of his/her own, something familiar to accompany him/her in the session. Insight can be gained by asking the child why he/she chose to bring that particular item.

3. Make a list of the child’s favorite things: e.g., color, food (snack, drink, fruit, pizza topping, ice cream flavor, etc.), sport, toy, TV show, movie, hobby, school subject, car, dream vacation, game, etc.- a fun activity that will tell a lot about the child.

4. Ask the child to make something out of play-do. This is a fun activity that will allow you to asses the child’s creative abilities. The object made can further be used to create a story with the child that reflects an aspect of the child’s life that he/she finds significant.

5. Do ‘either-or’ activity, where child has to make a choice of preference between two things. Create a list of paired activities, people, or things and ask the child to choose one or the other according to his/her preference. Any striking choices can be discussed in more detail.

6. Create an environment that is familiar to children of various ages. Have kid-size furniture, bookshelves with children’s books, activity centers, toys, etc. A more familiar and comfortable environment will help put the child at ease. Allow the child to explore this new environment to get used to the space; observing what captures the child’s attention can give you insights into the child’s temperament and/or developmental levels.

7. Have the child finish a story you have started- allow them to draw pictures to accompany the story, or to relate to after the story is complete regarding an aspect of the story that sticks out in the child’s mind. The story ought to be gender specific and age appropriate, dealing with an issue similar to the one you know the child is facing so the child can begin to identify with the character in the story, as well as be able to add his or her own details without the character actually being the child.

8. Have a number of Activity Books for the child to work on. Allow the child to choose activities of his/her liking to work on for fun. Observing the decision making skills of the child and the level of difficulty/type of activity will give insight into the cognitive level and temperament of the child.

9. Do a memory matching game, but with a twist. Whoever makes a match gets to ask the other person a personal question. Allow the option for the one who answers to have the right to choose to not answer, in case a question is inappropriate or too uncomfortable. Will be able to: assess the child’s memory skills; ask important questions in a fun setting; find out what might be on the child’s mind (e.g. possible fears) coming into a counseling session; demonstrate your own vulnerability to the child to help gain openness and trust; establish appropriate boundaries.

10. Read through some very short stories of children in various situations and have the child identify what emotion the child in the story might be feeling. Can use pictures of children with a myriad of expressions that the child can use to match the emotion they have identified with a perceived facial expression. Asses the child’s ability to identify emotions; any feelings the child has particular difficulty pointing out or that the child identifies strongly with will provide opportunity for further discussion/investigation.

11. Draw a family portrait. Make it colorful. Ask why the child chose the colors he or she did for each individual. An understanding of the child’s view of his/her family will be gained.

12. Paint 2 pictures, one of something that makes the child happy, and one that makes the child sad. This is a fun activity that will allow the child to express key emotions, both positive and negative. Allowing the child to explain the pictures when completed will allow the child to express his/her feelings in a less direct and perhaps more abstract way.

13. Have a candy bowl to reward children after a session with them. Not to be used as a reward system for a good session, because the child may not have the same thoughts about a particular session. Also, you do not want to discourage the child after a not-so-good session. This small reward can be something for the child to look forward to at the end of each session.

14. Use an assortment of background music to help set the mood for the session. Different styles of music can help the child adjust to the various different activities done in the session.

15. Begin the session with a very general question and answer session. Ask the child to explain why he/she is meeting with you. Allow the child opportunity to ask questions about you and your work. This opportunity will allow you to establish boundaries for future sessions; be certain to assure and reassure the child that the environment in which you meet is safe and that you are there only to help him/her. Let him/her know that he/she is not the only child that has come in to see you, so that the child does not feel singled out.